


My Life in Your Hands

by Dover13



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Background Relationships, M/M, Owen Strand and TK Strand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dover13/pseuds/Dover13
Summary: TK goes to visit Carlos after the events of episode 206 to share the news of his new job.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	My Life in Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feels about episode 206 and the whole Paramedic TK thing. Probably not what they intended though. So I thought I would write them out.  
> This is my first ever fic and so I am a bit nervous. So please be kind.  
> This has not been bated so all mistakes are mind.  
> Hope you enjoy.

TK was so happy to see the front door of his boyfriend’s home. Using his set of keys still brought a smile to his face.

“Hi Honey I’m home” TK giggled a little at that one (yes giggled). So cliché, so domesticated, he loved it.

He was still running on a bit of adrenaline after his talk with Captain Vega. Now he just had to tell his boyfriend. Piece of cake, right. Right?

Carlos came bounding down the stairs and greeted him with a smile and a kiss.

“Hi yourself Honey” Carlos said. TK smiling into a second, or was it the third kiss. Who needs to count.

“Something smells good” TK inhaled the delicious aroma of Carlos’s cooking.

“Well we have another 45 minutes or so until it is done. Can you wait that long” Carlos joked knowing how hungry TK was after a long shift.

“Yeah, no problem. I actually have some news for you”

Carlos was a little suspicious about his boyfriend’s mood and the little crooked smile he was sporting.

“Oakaay” Carlos stretched out the word with a slightly concerned look on his face. “Good news I hope.”

“Totally!” TK said as he grabbed Carlos’s hand and dragged him over to the couch. “At least I think so” TK said with a little laugh.

Carlos relaxed and smiled. “Okay then what is this totally good news”

All of a sudden TK was feeling a little nervous. What would Carlos think? He hadn’t talked to Carlos about this before putting in his application. Is this something he should have talked to Carlos about first, seeing as they were in a committed relationship and all?

TK hadn’t realized he had looked down at their joined hands while he was thinking and now when he looked up again, Carlos had a concerned look.

Clearing his throat TK realized he hadn’t really thought this conversation through, but he had to start somewhere.

“I’ve got a new job”

Carlos stared at TK waiting for the punch line and then when TK said nothing else, just kept smiling, he wasn’t sure what to say, what to ask, there were just so many questions. He could tell TK was pretty nervous and he had to say something. “Excuse me? Another job, what job would that be?” When?

TK realized that although so much had been going through his head the last day or so that he hadn’t actually verbalized any of it to Carlos.

Shit. “Sorry, maybe I should have discussed it with you first but I am going to be working as a paramedic on Captain Vega’s team. Starting right away.” TK said with a big smile. Expecting Carlos to start getting excited too, he was a little disappointed when that didn’t happen.

“I see, a paramedic, you are leaving firefighting to be a paramedic” Carlos had that little crease between his eyebrows TK noticed. He could see he needed to make Carlos understand his decision.

“Yes, I really feel this is the right decision for me. Out there helping people, like the other day and the boy with the landmines” TK enthused. “Something on my own path”

Carlos felt a chill at the thought of that call and what could have gone wrong. Shaking himself he looked at the sincere look on TK’s face and smiled saying “Are you really sure”

“Absolutely, no doubts” TK said with a little breathy laugh, happy that Carlos seemed to be coming around.

Carlos stared into TK’s eyes for a minute studying him. Just when TK started to get fidgety with nervous energy Carlos spoke. “Sweetheart, whatever makes you happy I am 100% behind and I will support you in your decision”

TK beamed “I am happy Carlos, about the change and about your support. It means a lot to me”

“Of course TK, I love you and I just want you to be happy”

Carlos furrowed his brow slightly glancing away and then back at TK before adding “Having said that, I do have a few more questions though, if that’s okay I mean?”

“Sure Carlos, whatever you want to ask, go ahead”

“So what exactly brought this on? Why the change in direction?”

TK shifted slightly before answering, “Well, lately I have just been feeling a bit restless, like I needed a challenge. I thought taking some advanced studies in firefighting and having Judd teach me to drive the truck would help but, really I suck at driving.” TK ended with a chuckle.

“Then I went on that call with the boys and I just thought this could be it. Helping people, you know?”

TK looked up at Carlos waiting for him to agree but Carlos still had that puzzled look.

“I’m sorry that I am still not understanding this, because I can see that you are really committed about this, but you are already helping people now. You can not only assist with first aid but you can help people who need saving before they even get a chance to get to EMS”

TK wasn’t sure why but Carlos was questioning him and he could feel frustration building and blurted out “What if I just want a change, a new challenge?”

Carlos could feel TK’s frustration but that was only making him more frustrated because he just really didn’t understand what was going on. He took a breath and tried to calmly state the facts as he saw it “TK, you had a near death experience last year and said afterwards that you knew for sure you were doing what you were meant to be doing, with the people you were meant to be doing it with, at least for now. Then today you are telling me that after doing this one medical assist like two days ago you want to change your mind about your whole career! I mean you have never even talked about your interest in this before now so of course I am confused”

TK stood up abruptly “Do you not believe me! Not think I have thought this through! You said you support me but it certainly doesn’t sound like that.”

“I do support you Ty, it just seems so abrupt, and you never said anything. Is this maybe less about the job and more about your Mom, Dad and the baby?”

TK’s could feel his blood pressure rising. “Not you too! Dad asked me that too. I am not a toddler, I am not having a tantrum, I am an adult making an adult decision.”

“Of course you are, but are you telling me that putting some distance between yourself and your Dad and working under him isn’t part of this? Pulling away yourself, now, while you are still your parent’s only child? Wouldn’t that make it easier for you to deal with that separation on your own terms, rather than waiting until all their focus is on the baby and not you?”

TK, who had his back to Carlos in his pacing path across the living room floor stopped with his back to Carlos and stood still, shocked by what Carlos had said. That wasn’t part of the reason. Absolutely not! Was it? Had that even occurred to him?

“Harsh Carlos”

Carlos could see that maybe he had overstepped there. He decided to change tactics. He was still very concerned about what was going on in his boyfriend’s head and still had questions.

“I’m sorry Ty, I shouldn’t have gone there but could you tell me at least that you are going to be okay when they replace you on the truck.”

TK whirled around at that, eyes wide. “Replace me? Why… I mean, I was a multi-function firefighter in New York….”

Carlos gentled his voice, “But this isn’t New York TK. In Austin paramedics run from the same house but they are separate divisions. Yes they run a lot of the same calls but they have separate Captains, separate calls, separate bunks. I know you know this TK but have you really thought this through? You will have to accept that your friends, your old crew could be running into dangerous calls and you will be outside, with your paramedic crew. Waiting. I know how well you wait TK and I understand that, because waiting is much harder than running towards danger”

“Yes I know these things Carlos” TK said angrily.

By now they had switched positions, Carlos had stood and moved in front of TK but TK had turned and had sunk down onto the couch.

TK felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. But after a few minutes of contemplation, much quieter he said “but maybe I didn’t actually feel the reality of that until you laid it out”

It was quiet for a couple of minutes. Carlos didn’t want to move until TK did.

TK looked up at Carlos looking slightly exhausted. After heaving a big sigh and with a slightly painful smile he said “Well thanks for raining on my parade Carlos, but while you have me in this contemplative mood you got any more thought provoking questions about my new career path you want to ask?”

Carlos smiled back gently and said “Well maybe just a couple more”

“Of course you do” said TK with another sigh. “Okay go for it while I am still in the mood”

“Okay, this is a little more personal and really none of my business …”

“More personal than saying I am trying to break my separation anxiety from my father?” TK said as he lifted his eyebrow.

Carlos chuckled, “Well maybe a different kind of personal. It’s about money”

TK looked puzzled for a moment then looked at Carlos again and said “Salary, do you mean my salary?”

“Yes TK. Now I know the average annual salary for a firefighter in the US is about 50k. Now I know you make more than that because you told me that you guys got a pretty sweet deal for coming down here. But I doubt that deal extended to an existing paramedic team which typically gets paid around 35k a year. So, substantially less. So are you going to take that big a drop in your salary? I mean if it is what you want to do then I am cool with that but I know you like your little luxuries and so I am curious.”

TK smiled at this one because he had this covered. “How do you know and even remember all this stuff? But yeah, all good there. When I talked to Captain Vega she said she had talked to HR and as I was such a strong candidate and already on the payroll that they were going to do it as a lateral move at the same salary. So no worries I can still afford my boba tea” he finished with a smile.

Carlos still looked a little hesitant when he said “and Nancy?”

TK was puzzled for a second and admitted “Nancy? What has she got to do with it? I mean if we are taking salary than I really have no idea what she makes. I mean should I? It’s her business after all.’

Carlos moved over to sit beside TK again before saying “No not your business but, assuming she is making the average paramedic wage you will be making a sizeable bit more even though she has been there way longer? Is that fair? Will she be good with that? Will it cause resentment? Are you good with that?”

TK groaned and dropped his head into his hands “Why are you so dam logical.”

“Sorry, just the way I am.” Carlos chuckled slightly. "Well maybe they will give her a raise.” Carlos tried for hopeful.

“Oh you know unions and management as well as I do, skating in with a deal before you do take a job is one thing but once you are in that is another story, the only reason I am keeping my salary is because it is a lot harder to take it away once you have it. They live and breathe that contract. They are never going to bump her up that much. “

“Maybe she will want to train up to be a firefighter and replace you then.” Carlos said encouragingly.

He knew that was a mistake as soon as he said replacing because TK’s shoulders tensed almost to his ears, but regardless TK said “Anymore questions?” with dread.

“Emmett”

TK was thoroughly confused now. “Emmett Winslow from Engine 126?”

“Yes Emmett that we said we were going to meet up with for a socially distanced coffee double date with his boyfriend Ryan. That Emmett”

“Okay Carlos what the hell does Emmett have to do with me being a paramedic” TK said with his voice rising.

“Nothing ever stays the same, as a wise man once told me” Carlos said earning a small smile from TK before Carlos continued “People come in and out of our lives and though I know you love your team from Ladder 126 that doesn’t mean that you will be seeing them quite as much or spending as much time with them as you do now. They will not be your team anymore. Tommy and Nancy will be your team. Even though you share the firehouse with Emmett we still have not managed to get together. I know you guys hit it off and even if you are not as close to Emmett as you are with your ladder team, life happens, priorities change and time slips by. You will still see your friends at the hall and some calls, but you won’t always be working together with fire. So that's not to say you won't see them but with job changes who you socialize with will likely change too. I mean you were friendly with Nancy and Tim but it isn't like you socialized with them outside of work.”

TK emotions burst to the surface and his eyes start to well up. “No. No that can’t happen, I won’t let it happen!” gulping down his emotions he glared at Carlos.

“Look baby, I know they love you and you love them and I will help where I can to keep those relationships alive and vital. I just want you to be prepared.”

Carlos could see that TK was looking pretty stressed. “Sweetheart, I am not asking these questions to stress you out, I just want to understand. I think that is fair don’t you? I mean if I came home from work and said I was changing my job tomorrow wouldn’t you be curious to know why? That is all I am trying to do.”

“Carlos, I really don’t think I want to talk about this anymore. I guess I could have thought about this decision some more and talked to you about it, shown my interest before springing it on you, but I didn’t and here we are. Maybe there is some doubts now but I have already made my decision and now I just want to try and shut my brain off for a while, have a nice dinner with you, have a good night sleep and not think about this until tomorrow”

TK looked desperate for a break so Carlos knew it was time to give him one.

“That sounds like a plan. Dinner should be ready now. Maybe a little Netflix after and an early night to bed. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.”

**********

Carlos’s heart sped up as something startled him awake. Realizing quickly it was TK whimpering beside him, twisting and turning in the grips of what looked like a pretty nasty nightmare.

He gently touched TK’s shoulder where he now laid facing away from Carlos. Shaking him softly and calling his name it was only a few seconds later that TK startled awake springing up to sitting in the bed.

Carlos also moved up to sit beside him resting his hand on TK’s thigh rubbing back and forth.

“Hey baby you with me?” he whispered.

He could see TK was staring straight ahead and there were tears running down his face.

After a few stuttered breaths he wiped angrily at the tears and then turned to Carlos.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Carlos for waking you up” with tears filling his eyes again.

“Oh Ty you have nothing to be sorry for. Seemed like a pretty bad dream. Do you want to talk about it?”

With fresh tears spring to his eyes TK shook his head. “No. Not right now at least” his whole body shaking.

Carlos turned towards TK pulling him into his arms holding him until he could feel the tension start to leave TK’s body.

“Can you tell me what you need Ty? Do you think you can go back to sleep or I could go get you some chamomile tea?

TK kept his face nestled against Carlos’s neck. For comfort and because he was reluctant to lean back and look into Carlos’s eyes, embarrassed that he had woken his boyfriend up. He shook his head and hugged Carlos one more time before leaning back and facing him.

“No, thank you. I don’t want any tea. Maybe just lay here if you will hold me.”

Carlos’s heart was breaking seeing TK so upset. “Anything you need sweetheart.” Ducking his head to look TK in the eye and giving him a soft smile then sliding down the bed to lie down again.

TK also slid down the bed facing away from Carlos and reaching behind grabbed Carlos's hand and dragged it around and thread their fingers together holding their hands tight to his chest.

Carlos maneuvered himself to fully spoon his body around TK’s and held on tightly. There was little he could do to protect him from the nightmares, they both knew that well, but maybe if TK felt secure and protected the bad dreams would stay away for at least the rest of the night.

Carlos was just starting to relax and drift off when TK started to talk.

“We were somewhere, I don’t know a warehouse maybe? It was so dark. Then there was the flame. I remember the fire. It was so hot. I felt trapped. One minute I had my gear one minute I didn’t. Then I was running, running trying to get away. Then I wasn’t alone anymore, I felt relief, I looked over and it was my Dad.” Carlos knew TK was crying again. He could feel the tears dripping down onto their joined hands. Could hear and feel TK’s rapid breathing and the small sobs. He didn’t say anything just squeezed TK a little tighter waiting to see if he had more to share, and he did. “I could see daylight ahead and I looked over at my Dad happy that we were almost out of there. He was looking at me with this strange look on his face and he was saying something. I couldn’t hear or understand at first but then realized he was saying “I’m sorry” “I’m sorry” and I didn’t even know what he was saying sorry for and then he just stopped running. I turned to tell him something, to get moving I guess, and then something came out of nowhere. The ceiling maybe? I don’t know it was all so crazy and then he was on the other side of the flames. I was screaming at him to just get through somehow. I wanted to help and all I could do was scream.” TK was full on sobbing now. Carlos feeling TK’s anguish was crying too because all he could do was try to hold TK even tighter. His own tears dripping down onto TK’s back. “Then, then someone was pulling me, dragging me away from my Dad, I was fighting, screaming for them to let me go, trying to make them understand, screaming for my Dad to break through the flames. He was just standing there, as if he accepted his fate. I couldn’t I wouldn’t do that so I just kept fighting and then I heard a voice in my head say “It’s not your job anymore”. Then it all changed. Morphed. There was a lot of people. A funeral I think? Maybe? I was still screaming but nobody seemed to hear me and I was struggling, trying to get away from the pain and then everything morphed again and I was at home. At least I think it was my house. Someone was there. My mom I think. She was talking but I don’t really remember about what. Then I heard my Dad’s voice in my head “I put my life in your hands everyday son”. Then bam I’m back at the fire with my Dad and that voice, his voice just saying that over and over again. The arms were there pulling me away again, me still screaming, unable to do anything, and I couldn't do anything to save my Dad. That’s when I woke up.”

TK was full on sobbing again. Carlos tried to stem his own tears as he tugged on TK until he rolled over to face him. TK had brought his hands up to his face, but Carlos pulled them away and then tucked TK into his chest. He started talking saying those silly things you do when trying to comfort. He knew at this point TK wasn’t really hearing anything but hoped his voice would sooth him.

Eventually TK’s sobbing became sniffles and his breathing evened out to more normal.

That’s when Carlos turned TK’s face towards him and said “I am so sorry TK, that was a horrible nightmare. Truly horrible. I can’t really do anything to take that away from you except be here. I love you so much I wish there was something more I could do.”

That brought another round of tears to TK’s eyes but this time they were accompanied by a small smile. “I love you too. So much. You are helping, just being here, holding me, it does help.”

Carlos gently kissed TK’s forehead “Is there anything else I can do? Maybe you could call your Dad? Would that help? Do you want to talk about the dream? Please tell me how more I can help.”

Carlos’s eyes too had started to glisten over with tears again. He was so connected to TK and his emotions right now he just wanted to ease the grief and fear he knew his boyfriend was suffering.

TK gave a little huff, certainly not a laugh but as close as he was going to achieve at this point.

“Number one, I do not need to call my Dad. Well at least in the middle of the night. Though I am not discounting calling him first thing in the morning even if it his day off.”

“Number two, no I do not want to talk about the dream, but probably should. I think this will be a great conversation starter for my next therapy session don’t you think?”

Carlos tried for a small smile but he wasn’t up for it.

“Number three, I think we both know what this dream was about. Maybe leaving fire wasn’t as clear a decision as I thought. And, maybe leaving the job of watching my Dad’s back to someone else has bothered me more than I thought it would.”

Carlos breathed out a little sob himself before saying “I am so sorry that I pushed you earlier. Maybe if I hadn’t asked you all those questions you wouldn’t have gone to bed with all of that on your mind and you wouldn’t have had this terrible nightmare.”

“Number four Carlos, you only asked questions I should have already asked myself. Maybe actually talked to people beforehand, got advice, from you, from Dad, from Captain Vega, from Nancy. Hell any and all of you. I have been trying to be so mature and deal with life as an adult that I think I missed a step. The step that I have people to lean on and that care about me and that I can go to when I have questions. Yes, the decision is mine but really I haven’t always made the best decisions so I should know by now that a little advice would not go amiss. Especially from you as I hope we are in this for the long haul and decisions either of us make are going to affect the other.”

TK looked a little shy about that last part and Carlos was only happy to clear any doubts TK had about them.

“Absolutely. I agree, for the long haul. That goes for me too. How about right now, we both agree that any major decisions like this going forward, we discuss before making a final decision. Deal?”

“Deal” TK said with something closer to a smile. Carlos couldn’t help but to smile back.

“Okay on to number five, Carlos, you have done as much as you possibly could. This sucked. I don’t know when I will be able to sleep again but I cannot tell you how much you have helped. And waking up alone after a nightmare sucks even more. Thank you for being here, thank you for loving me.”

Okay Carlos really thought he wouldn’t cry anymore but maybe these were more happy tears, that he had found TK, a person whom he loved so fully and that actually loved him back. That made him a very lucky man.

Carlos pulled TK in again bringing their lips together in a deep kiss. Not a kiss meant to go anywhere, just to remind them that they had each other.

Once he pulled away TK’s expression sobered immediately again and his eyes slid off to the side.

“Hey what are you thinking” Carlos questioned.

“I guess there is a number six. I really should have thought this job thing through a little bit more. I have signed off on the job so am not sure if I could get out of it now, even if I wanted to.”

Carlos didn’t mean to but yawned widely, making TK smile a genuine smile this time.

“Oh I am so sorry Ty, don’t mind me, I am awake as long as you are.”

TK looked softly at his boyfriend. “Don’t be silly. No sense both of us being up. You go back to sleep and I will promise to try too.”

Carlos searched TK’s eyes for the truth before finally nodding. “Okay fine. There is really nothing else to be done at this hour. How about we sleep in as much as possible, have a late breakfast and talk or not talk about this as much as you need. After calling your Dad of course.” Carlos finished with a smile.

“Sounds like a great plan. One condition. You hold me while you go to sleep. I always feel safer in your arms.”

“I can happily agree to that condition.” Carlos said with a smile.

TK rolled over onto his side again with Carlos spooning behind him, arm tightly around TK's waist. Keeping TK feeling safe, secure and loved.

**********

TK tried to fall asleep again. He really tried. Even dozing would have been nice. It wasn’t a nightmare keeping him awake this time. Now he kept going over everything again and again in his head. Not only his decision, but Carlos’s questions, his own motivations, strategies his therapist gave him. He surprised himself with some other questions he had for himself that he hadn’t even thought of yet. It brought home the realization that there were repercussions and consequence for every decision he made and they had a domino effect on the lives of the people closest to him. There would be repercussions if he took this job and ones if he didn’t. Would he still have the respect of Captain Vega and his father if he waffled yet again and changed his mind? Was he seriously thinking of changing his mind when he was so sure and happy about his decision yesterday? Could he even change his mind at this point?

The sky was starting to lighten through the curtains and still TK had not slept. After hours of deliberating, weighing the pros and cons he was exhausted. He would talk to Carlos again about it in the morning because they agreed to. (It was really nice in the midst of this to find that he was more than happy that their relationship had matured to that level) Was he really sure of his decision? Had he made the wrong decision? Or the right decision? Then his mind settled and he just knew."

“Fuck”

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't share my frustration with this season and you look forward to this development in particular on the show then I am happy for you because I do still really love 911: Lonestar.  
> There has been some good stories here of Paramedic TK that I have enjoyed reading but not something I wanted to see on the show. I want to see TK running into burning buildings as the adrenalin junkie that he is with his friends. Not be a paramedic waiting outside. (Well he should be waiting outside at least). Sue me.  
> I am not a firefighter or a paramedic but I do work for a Fire Department and have done so for most of my working life as a dispatcher and now inside support. So normally I do not watch shows in this genre because they are generally bad (there are just too many times reality is skewed for "artistic licensing") but came for Rob Lowe and stayed for Ronen and #Tarlos.


End file.
